Are Nuns an Option for Mormons?

Ok. This is a ranting post.
Well maybe not ranting. But definitely some self expression will happen.
Prepare yourselves dear readers.


There is something that has been puzzling me for a little while, and lately especially, it has been rampant in my life.

This is not to offend the good guys out there...but keep your effin' hands to yourselves.

Where do men get the idea that just because you know each other, they can touch you? Not men, boys. Boys touch you without waiting for your consent. Boys hug-rape you. Multiple times. Boys rub your back and arms and get wayyyy too far into your bubble.

Now, I know there are a lot of great guys in the world. Some of the best happen to be my friends.

But sweetie, do NOT touch me.


Let's get this straight. I love hugs! I do! I'm a hugger, I hug people. It's what I do. I'm a teddy bear, basically. But I have to be at a certain level of comfortableness with the huggee.

Here are the rules:
If I want a hug, I will initiate it, ask for it (literally), or accept it with a big smile or a squeeze or something. If I like you, we're close friends, we joke around, we tease each other, we've gone out a few times, or you've asked me out (and I've said YES) you can totally initiate the hug. If I initiate conversations with you, or I actually hang out with you, it's all good! I am down for embraces.

But if I only see you once in a while, we don't text, we don't talk, we don't joke around, and we don't really even have mutual friends, then get your paws off me. And you better not force a hug and then LINGER. No. I'm not gonna embarrass you in front of people and shove you away, but it makes me extremely uncomfortable, and frankly, I will start avoiding you. Do not give me multiple hugs. I like hugs, but unless I'm dating you, or you're Ryan Gosling, I don't want to hug you three to five times in less than 10 minutes. If I pull away from a hug really quickly, you best let me go.

Don't come into my class and hug me. Really? I have to say this one?

Also, I am NOT a fan of PDA.

So:
Do. Not. Touch. My. Body.

Yes, I am a cuddly person. I will cuddle up next to my really close guy friends, but they are guys who I know would never do anything to make me uncomfortable. They've never forced me into hugging them and they have proved themselves not creepy.

If you push me into hugging you, it only backfires on you. It literally makes me want to sprint away from you and the whole situation.

Oh, absolutely never corner me in an elevator, I most likely will "accidentally" swift-kick you in the cajones.

Don't stroke my arm, don't try to hold my hand, don't play with my hair. I am not a doll, I am not a toy, I will cut you. Don't stand there and rub my back. Don't even stand that close to me. It's called a bubble, I have one. Get out of it.

Also, I still don't understand this situation:

Don't hit on me over Facebook. You really think I want a guy that's not man enough to talk to me in person? If we're friends on FB it's cuz you know me in real life, and you should know I give everyone a chance at friendship or whatever. If I don't have an interest in you, I'm not gonna lead you on. But don't resort to vague and slightly creepy messages or comments on my page. Trick, I will block your sorry behind. If I don't respond? Let it go. If you make me uncomfortable, you best believe I'm not gonna respond and encourage you.

Lastly, if you're over 30? GTFO. That is highly inappropriate. I'm sorry, but that will never happen. I'm 19.

Oh yeah, and my eyes are up here. ('.')


If I could be a nun, I think I would be. Not forever, but it would be nice to get away from boys that don't get the hint that it ain't gon' happen.

On the other hand, there are some truly incredible guys out there in the world. To those MEN I say, keep on keepin' on. Be men. Ask girls out on DATES. Don't hang out, ya wimps. If the girl says no, move on. Don't get butthurt, there's millions of women in the world and in the end, it just takes one. Keep your chins up, fellas.
Shower, brush your teeth, and wear deodorant. This is simple stuff, but you'd be surprised how many don't do this basic stuff. If you wear a little bit of cologne (actual cologne, Axe does not count) the ladies will plotz for you. Don't bathe in it though, we don't need our eyes watering.

Treat girls how you would want your future daughter to be treated. Tease us, we love a sense of humor. Make us laugh. Be kind. Be yourselves!!! If you're a dork, be one. Ladies is dorks too.

Most of all? Don't stress over it. Dating should be fun. Have fun! If you're 22 and you don't feel ready to be married, that's okay! Don't lead girls on, and always be a gentleman when you do date.

I don't know how this became a dating advice blog post, but I can't stop my inner matchmaking Jewish grandma from taking over once in a while.

Since I'm a granny, I will end this post and go to bed now.


Everybody love everybody,

M.D.


P.S. Never tell a girl her hair is frizzy. (Especially when it's not.) You will definitely lose some major points. Rude.